Love and intimacy comes out of your willingness to give without expecting any return. We may call it unconditional giving. Any giving where you do not expect anything in exchange or return will increase love tremendously. There should be no selfish motive. You should only give. Give…unconditionally – but what? In our practical life, many people intend to get love or intimacy but do not know where to begin from. There are five things that you can give people and improve love & intimacy.
- Gift: Gift a rose, a small toy or just a birthday card. Money or any materialistic items can also be offered as gifts.
- Service: Cooking for someone, helping someone without conditions, driving to station. Do something which needs efforts, for others.
- Time: Spending time with others, just to say hello, receiving someone at the airport (when the driver can do the same), taking someone around, taking time out of busy schedule to give advice, consultancy – are examples of giving time. This, when unconditional, helps grow love.
- Appreciation/Blessings: If you don’t have money, time or ability to serve you can show gestures of support, appreciation or blessings. Telephone, letters, cards can be used to do these acts.
- Physical Touch: It includes shaking hands, hugging, touching ones head while blessing, touching ones feet while paying regards. Pressing someone’s head during headache, massaging the knee joint when it swells or pains etc.
Growth of Love
Acts of love can be only one way but if one wants it to grow – definitely it has to be both ways. For this, the act of love must be recognized and reciprocated by the other person unconditionally. Only then love and intimacy grows. The uniqueness in both these giving should be such that there is no demand from both sides. It should be voluntary.
Measurement of Love
There is no unit to measure love or intimacy but this can be done by two ways; by the number of social relationships and the quality of social relationship. The later is more important. Number of social relationships includes how many people meet you in a normal week, how many people with whom you share interest, number of people who visit you make you happy, number of friends and family members with whom you can talk very frankly. Quality of emotional relationship involves someone who feels very close to you, someone who can share deep feelings with you, someone own whom you have complete confidence, someone you can touch lovingly and someone who appreciates what you have done for him/her.
Why Love & Intimacy is decreasing?
Human beings are social creatures. If you give them money, comfort, food, education they still need something extra called love or intimacy. In this society where there is a continuous disintegration of large family structure towards nuclear families we are seeing more and more people getting isolated. They have become mechanical behaving like machines without any emotions. In the western world so many people now live alone following a set pattern of life. They work throughout the day for a whole week and on weekends finish incomplete jobs at their residence. Even if they are living together they are living on contract; which is based on exchange for mutual benefits. Once the mutual benefits are lost they get separated. What they lack is love & intimacy. The statistics is and surveys have shown that mental illness like depression, psychosis, suicidal tendencies are on rise in most of the western countries. The stress related diseases are also on rise. Love and Intimacy are terms which cannot be defined or quantified. But they are understood well by most of us. The opposite of these are probably isolation, aloofness, and uncaring behavior. Selfishness or self centered behavior is probably the cause of it. “Whenever you give something (money, time, materialistic items, and help) you must receive it back in the same quantity or more” is the theme of selfishness or self centered behavior. Such behavior indicates lack of love and intimacy. There was a time when “love and intimacy” was not in shortage in most Indian families but now many people, especially in urban society, are feeling lack of it.